I have come to the conclusion that my life is too busy for scheduled moments of quiet contemplation. There are too many interruptions and unexpected events for me to succeed with a daily commitment of any kind. I do well to check email regularly. It didn’t used to be this way. I used to work 40 hours a week at a day job that was an hour away from my home. That meant roughly 11 hours a day, including lunches, was committed. I got two days a week off and spent them doing chores, shopping, and paying bills. I still managed to read, watch TV, socialize. I didn’t have a lot of free time, but I didn’t really notice for a long time. When I did notice, it was how much time I spent on the road, driving back and forth. I began to resent those two hours a day. I wanted to be able to spend them doing something else.
Then I “retired.” It wasn’t too bad at first. I was going to school and that meant everyone knew I still had job-like obligations. They didn’t expect me to be available 24/7. Whenever they saw me with books or on the computer, they assumed it was for school and accepted it as necessary. Then I graduated. It took a couple of months for everyone to realize I didn’t intend to get a “job.”
Once I was “officially” free of outside influences, they began to impinge on my time. It seems they don’t see why I can’t drop whatever I’m doing to help them out. Don’t misunderstand, I usually can and I’m usually willing to do so. It’s just that there’s no boundary. I’m always getting interrupted. Every interruption is a single drop, but all of them together form an overwhelming flood.
So, I’m putting people on notice. I am back in school. This semester, I will be taking one online class and one on campus. We’ll see how it goes. I now have “real” obligations, not just my own desire to write, not just posting to blogs, not just research for myself. I will have deadlines for papers, classes to attend, tests to study for and reading that must be done.
Maybe I will get fewer interruptions and I won’t be able to say, “Sure, I can do that,” every time someone asks. Maybe I’ll even find a couple of hours a week to do my own research and writing. Small stones to build a dam with so that I can stem the flood.
No, Linda. I may do that later. I haven’t really decided what I want to use as a minor. I will be working on a BA in Religious Studies. One thing I have found tugging at my attention over the past few years is how all the major religions speak of a singular god. They call this transcendent being by different names, but I feel that it is the same god, they are simply seeing it from different viewpoints. I have finally decided I want to explore this theory in detail.
I have to have a minor and I’m thinking I’ll make it something in the computer field since I only have associate degrees there. However, if what they offer doesn’t appeal, I may do technical writing instead.
I can relate 100 percent. Being overly helpful is a trait that is admired by others but can be debilitating to the one being overly helpful. It is a hard thing to say ‘NO’, but something that will save your sanity. I have recently realized the same about my life and I realigned my priorities. I found a couple of standard phrases that have been helpful for me. You do with these phrases what you choose.
The ones I use in the beginning…
“I can’t take on any further obligations right now, I am already over booked.”
“I can put that on my things to do list, but the next opening doesn’t come up until May.”
“I wish I could, but prior obligations dictate that I actually cannot.”
The ones I use when the persistence continues…
“Toughen up there Cupcake! I don’t see any reason that you cannot take care of that yourself!”
“Your legs reach the ground when you stand up…go ahead…stand up and see.”
Miss ya!! Good luck with school and all your endeavors…and learn to say NO.
Aaww .. wishing you well! Are you going to take a writing class or something else?? Maybe get a voice recorder to record your thoughts while driving (if you drive much anymore)? Then you can transcribe it later. Good luck! I’ve missed you.