Things are always changing. Every time we think we’ve got it all figured out, it changes. The old saying “change or die” refers to the idea that everything in nature is either growing or dying. I am definitely not dying yet.
Jeanne has commented to me several times lately that the mothers of several of her friends have died this year. She says it’s a bad year for mothers and I need to be careful. I consider it, briefly, and think being careful usually includes avoiding change. Does that mean being careful moves me moving closer to death?
At the moment, I am hovering between. It has occurred to me this year that I have less time left than I’ve got behind me. I can easily remember most of the past 50 years of my life, the time since I turned 18. Much of the time before that is available, but not in the same detail. So, I can remember more time than I’ve got left to live. It gives a different perspective.
Kind of makes the time left more precious and the efforts to make it count more urgent. I don’t have time anymore to wait for the things I want, to put up with people I don’t like, to do things I don’t enjoy. I need to use my time to learn the things I’ve been putting off, see the places I’ve dreamed of, achieve the goals I’ve made, visit with those I love.
Writing is one of my joys. It satisfies something inside me. It kind of combines my mother’s personality with my father’s. She loved people in general and enjoyed talking to them. She liked to write, but never really worked at it. He was more of an introvert, not a social animal. I can’t remember ever seeing him without a book nearby. She was a writer, he a reader. I am not a sociable person. I find little to say to most people, but a pen in my hand or a keyboard under my fingers opens the flood gates wide.
Yet I struggle to find time to do it. I have ideas for two very different books bubbling in the back of my head. Each needs research and planning to help it grow. I need to do the reading in preparation for the writing. The problem is that everyone seems to think writing doesn’t take any time or else that it has a low priority.
I may be stepping on toes this next couple of months. I intend to MAKE time to write. That means other things will frequently need to be delayed or avoided while the work gets done. The problem will be convincing others it is work and not just a hobby.
