Category: Inspiration

Mar 01

A Spiritual Journey

Path2We all grow up with a cultural background.  Some will include a heavy religious influence while others will be noticeably lacking in that area. Whether or not it is included in the beginning, sooner or later, religion will touch our lives.  Even the most rabid of atheists have been touched by religion.  Humans in all corners of the world throughout recorded history have searched for a higher power and tried to find ways to explain or connect to it.  Our search for spiritual enlightenment has been equaled only by the expansion of our scientific knowledge and could, at times, be just as destructive.

I was raised with religion.  My family did not just go to church on Sunday; we had devotionals with bible readings and prayers at dinner every night.  It wasn’t a matter of listening as my parents read, spoke and prayed.  As we became old enough to read, we were assigned parts to play.  Mostly these came from the Upper Room or Secret Place booklets that my mother subscribed to, but she would also offer inspirational pieces from other sources when she felt it important.  She believed firmly in “train up a child in the way….” and she practiced it.

My brothers and I grew up with God as a personal entity with whom we interacted daily.   There was no time when we were suddenly “saved.”  We knew Jesus as a “personal savior” long before we understood what that meant.   Like most children, we assumed that our lifestyle was normal for everyone.  It wasn’t until long after I was grown, that I came to realize there were people in the world who followed a different path or who didn’t even Believe at all.

As a young adult, with three children and 6 years of marriage behind me, I questioned my parents’ teachings.  I wondered if the human race was outgrowing the need to believe.  Had science answered the mysteries that we used to attribute to God?  There had certainly been no new prophets for a very long time.  Were the cynics who proclaimed “God is dead!” correct?   Quite frankly, the idea terrorized me.  To me, that meant that there would be no order in creation.  The whole of human existence would be chaotic, random, with no “meaning.”  I rejected the concept of no “higher power” and went happily back to church.  Path1

A few years later, as my first marriage was breaking up, I sat in my kitchen and experienced that chaos inside myself.  It felt as though my mind was spinning apart.  I feared for my sanity and prayed fervently for help.  With the very next breath, calm descended.  I was filled with the most joyous peace I had ever known.  Needless to say, I considered it an answer to my prayer.  Others might explain it psychologically, but to me the science of it didn’t matter.  I had cried out and gotten an answer.  The methodology of it was not important.  I felt that I had been “Born Again” and I accepted it gratefully.

In the intervening years, there have been times when I have drifted away from the church, but never from my faith.  Even at the lowest points in my life, I have always felt the Presence and known I could call on it.   I am not perfect, only trying to do the best I can within the circumstances.  Sometimes I fall short, but I always get back up and try again.  My mantra is “You haven’t failed until you stop trying.”

Lately, I have been bothered by the fact that people seem to think everyone with different traditions or names for God is worshiping someone different.  I know this is not true of Jews, Christians and Muslims.  Whatever we call Him: YHWH, I am, Allah, Lord, Father….She is still the same powerful being that loves us and wants to be loved in return.

If I subscribe to the theory that there is only one God and we are all talking about the same Supreme Being, then I need to go further than the three core religions.  I need to be able to include Hindus, Buddhists, Native Americans, Taoists…everyone who searches for the Mysteries.  Not the ones that can be proved with Science, but the inner ones that govern the growth of the soul and the possibilities of an afterlife.  I realize there are too many to count.  I can’t possibly learn about all of them.  I can only research the primary ones that are accepted by large numbers of people.

Path3So, this year I embark upon that search.  So far, this semester, one class is covering Judaism, Christianity and Islam, a second one has covered a general overview of Hinduism and begun the study of Buddhism.  Later it will look at Confucianism and Daoism.  Don’t misunderstand.  I do not seek to change my religion or expect to fully understand other traditions and cultures through a couple of classes.

I simply want to synchronize things inside my own head.  When I tell people: “There’s only one God.  We all worship Him/Her in our own way, building our own personal relationship to the Almighty One.  We simply use different names, just as we call our mothers and fathers by different words in different languages or cultures.” I want to have more authority behind my statement than my own small opinion.  So, I am searching.  For parallels, similarities, a way to merge it all together in my soul.

I don’t expect to change the world.  I have never felt the need to spread my beliefs into the world.  I simply want to be able to grasp a greater meaning to the concept of “God” than what I now have.  As I grow close to the day when I will meet Force face to face, I need to know that I have done all I can to prepare myself.

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Jan 17

Small Stones ~ Day 8

Today has been too busy to study details.  My six month old great-grandson woke up at 8am and decided he didn’t need a nap today.  He dozed in spite of himself while we were in the truck on the way to and from the grocery store, a total of 15 minutes in our small town.  He wasn’t demanding attention the whole time, he never does, but the simple fact that he was awake meant my concentration was limited.

IMG_0589I worked on a guest blog post for Lara Britt of Writing Space.  She had asked for a piece on my travels through Nowhere, USA.  Look for it on Tuesday, maybe not this Tuesday, but some Tuesday.  In fact, go by her space every Tuesday, or any other day.  It’s a great blog.

Between the baby and grocery shopping, it took all day to finish writing and find the photos to go with it.  Now, I need to go heat up some barbecue and grilled beans for dinner.  My stones today have been the kind that roll under your foot as you are trekking through the woods and make you grab for the nearest branch to keep from falling.  Some days are just like that.

Tomorrow should be better.  The baby’s mother doesn’t have to work, only go to two classes with an hour break between.  I’ll only have him from 10am or so until about 3pm instead of all day.  Oh, I also need to go to the Social Security office and DMV.  That should give me plenty of time to be contemplative.  Waiting in line is always an exercise in patience.

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Jan 16

Small Stones Day 7 ~ Formatting

I guess I’m being a rebel….By that I mean I’m not really following the prescribed format for this exercise, especially today.  However, as justification, this is a process I usually do without thinking much about.  I do think about whether or not to do it for months and try everything else possible first, but once the decision is made, I simply open the window, type the command and go do something else until it finishes.  This morning, I am paying attention.

My office has two computers. The one I use all the time, that is password protected so other people can’t get on it without permission, and the “family” one.  The latter one currently has major issues which demonstrate why mine is password protected.  Today, I am reformatting it.  It has two hard drives.  I’ve started with the first one.  It is 58% done.

I opened a command prompt window.  A square box.  Black background with a blue bar at the top and gray ones on the other three sides.  The bar on the right is wider with a slider tab.  On the black screen are two lines of text proclaiming Microsoft’s ownership of the operating system and listing the version.  Below that is a C: prompt, waiting.  I type onto the line: format D: (Because the machine has two drives and I want to clear everything off both of them.  C: is where the operating system lives, so I started with the data drive.)

A message came up: “The type of  file system is NTFS.
Warning all data on the non-removable disk Drive D: will be lost! Proceed with Format (Y/N)?”

I have thought about this for several weeks, and normally I’d just go ahead, but today I consider the  meaning of the sentence and the reasons for this action.  The machine is infested with malware.  It frequently locks up and has to be restarted to free it. We had it in the shop recently to be cleaned up, but it still isn’t working properly.  This is the next step before I try replacing hardware.  The format procedure simply writes over the whole disk.  It puts markers to tell the system what file type to use.  If it finds bad sectors, it will also repair those.

Of course, in reality I know the data will still be there, buried below the overwrite that is about to happen.  A professional with the correct tools would be able to recover it, if necessary.  I also know, in this case, it won’t be.

I typed a “y” and hit enter.  Now it’s a matter of waiting……81 per cent done.

When it finishes, I’ll start the process on the C: drive.  Then I will spend the afternoon reinstalling the operating system which will probably require a call the the Microsoft service center (somewhere that has no native born English speakers) since the operating system is still XP and has been reinstalled several times.  This machine is almost an antique.  We built it in 2003 or maybe 2002.  In either case, ten years, probably something like 100 in human terms.  Amazing that it still works at all.

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Jan 15

Day 6 ~ Breathe

Breath is an amazing thing.  It expresses your emotions, getting faster and more shallow when you are afraid, faster and deeper when you are excited.  Slower and deeper when you are relaxed.  Breath control can also help control your emotions.  Deliberately breathing deeper and slower can help to calm you down.  Breathing deeper and faster will infuse your brain with oxygen and wake you up. 

If you do Yoga, your Yogi has undoubtedly advised you to control your breathing as you move through the poses.  In fact, almost any exercise program will emphasize the importance of breath control. 

As part of my morning meditation routine, I sit Lotus (Well, as near to it as my damaged knees will allow.) with my hands open on my knees, thumbs and middle fingers touching, eyes closed.  I straighten my back, reaching upward with the crown of my head.  Breathe in for a slow count of four.  Hold for a slow count of seven.  Breathe out for a slow count of nine.  Repeat the sequence four times.

The idea is to relax, focus your mind, and cleanse your lungs.  Then simply let your mind go blank.  That’s the hard part.  I hear a train in the distance, cars on the street out front, a door closing downstairs.  I work at shutting it all out.  I know it can be done because I hear none of this when I am reading, very little of it when I am writing.  On the mornings when I am simply unable to focus, I turn on soft, instrumental music and let it hide the background noises.  I listen for that still small voice, be it God, inspiration, creativity, memory, the inner me.

Every time my mind wanders, I pull it back to the tones, the rhythm, the notes.  I hope the day comes when I can automatically slip into trance.  It hasn’t yet.  I seldom achieve anywhere near it and it’s always hard work.  I set a timer and keep at it for a full fifteen minutes regardless of how successfully it’s going.  I’d like to expand the time frame, but I am afraid I’ll never be able to do that.  There’s just too much pulling me away. 

 

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Jan 14

Small Stones ~ Day 5

9735622I have a new book.  It came in the mail today.  Ripping open the white puffy envelope is like opening a package on Christmas morning.  Paperback, about 6 x 9 and 1/2 inch thick.  The cover is mostly purple and lavender with touches of copper. 

Spindly looking dark purple trees in the foreground, smaller copper colored ones in the middle to indicate depth.  A deep purple ridge behind them with a lavender sky above and the impression of lavender water behind the bigger trees, kind of flowing around the smaller ones. 

Bold white type: BEGINNINGS, MIDDLES, & ENDS.  Along the top edge, purple lettering on a lavender background: ELEMENTS of FICTION WRITING.  At the lower edge in lavender letters: NANCY KRESS. 

Clean smooth pages, still smelling faintly of fresh ink. 167 pages of information.  An Introduction, three sections, an interview, and an index.  I love books with indexes.  They make finding that vaguely remembered reference so much easier.  A new adventure.  Another excuse to read instead of write.  An opportunity to improve my writing.  Another step toward becoming an author. 

 

 

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