I hear so many people wish to recover their youth.  Other than a longing for a slimmer, stronger body, there is nothing in my past that I would be interested in reliving.  I don’t want to go back and change it.  That might cancel out many of my joys.  Although, for most of my years, I was stressed out and struggling to make ends meet there were more joys than sorrows.

I still don’t have much money, but it doesn’t bother me as much without children begging for things I can’t afford to give them, like anything beyond the bare necessities.  The sentence I remember most clearly hearing from my two younger daughters was, “Cover your ears, she’s trying to tell us we’re poor again.”  Even though my reasons for leaving their father were good ones and I never considered going back, I felt guilty about the lower standard of living they had to adjust to, just when they were becoming teenagers with all the associated craving for the “latest thing.”  There were years when even providing three meals a day was a challenge.  But, those years helped shape them as well as me into the people we are today.  Changing them would change us.

We survived and all five of my children are strong, independent, and self-supporting.  Their children are just entering adulthood and seem to be learning how to be the same.  Three of them have gifted me with great-grandchildren.  I was closely involved in the raising of about half my grandchildren and am currently serving as caregiver to one of the greats while his mother works and goes to school.  Grandchildren can be much better than children.  There is usually less responsibility and expense, but just as much love and joy and “keeping up with” that young one helps you stay young as well.

So, for all of you who dread to pass fifty, let me assure you it is wonderful.  I come and go as I please.  If I am in the mood to stay up all night with a book and a tall glass, no one objects.   I am very busy, but it’s because I choose to be.  My only obligations are the ones I made for myself.  The only downside is my tendency to get tired more quickly.  I know that I am fortunate because my health is still good.  I don’t need to take any prescription drugs to sustain myself.  I have always had a very high pain threshold, so my mild arthritis seldom bothers me since I started taking Glucosomine regularly and doing Yoga.  My grandmother and her sisters lived into their nineties and I expect to follow in their footsteps.  I may even wind up with great-great grandchildren before I go.

It’s easier as you get older to gain weight and harder to lose it, so I have to be constantly attentive to my diet and exercise routine.  Since my weight problem didn’t start until I was nearly fifty, I am not as good at that as I should be and I am usually counting calories and forcing myself to workout.  Still, I seldom let it stress me.  After all, I’m not much interested in attracting men.  I just want to be healthy enough to spend a day easily hiking uphill in search of a waterfall.

My time is spent mostly on pursuits I enjoy:  working on websites, writing blog posts and stories, taking photos, playing with the baby, having lunch with friends, reading or doing research.  I don’t have a time clock or someone tabulating my hours of work.  No one objects if I quit early, take a personal day, or extend my vacation time.  My stress levels are almost non-existent, my enjoyment levels constant.  .

Admittedly, there are people my age with no more obligations than I have who still manage to live in a constant state of worry and angst.  It is a choice.  I refuse to worry about things I cannot control.  I choose to hope for the best.  I don’t watch much news or follow all the rhetoric of political candidates.  I research the facts and vote my conscience based on the records, not the mud-slinging.  If there are places where taking action can make a difference, I do so.  Otherwise, I accept the fact that I have to live with the situation or let someone else fix it.

The world, as we know it, may end before I die.  I believe in global warming and it seems to be progressing faster than expected.  We are using up our natural resources much more quickly than predicted.  I recycle and drive a fuel efficient car.  That’s about all I can do.  It would be nice if someone came up with a miracle cure before it is too late, but it won’t be me.  I accept the fact that I can’t change it and try to prepare myself mentally to deal with it as necessary.  I do not rant against the darkness, just keep moving toward the light.  I also believe in an afterlife.  I don’t fear moving on, I just have too much more to do first.

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