Sometimes I wonder how people manage to accomplish anything.  I have a procrastination problem and a completion problem.  I can do the middle.  I do sometimes have a problem getting myself in gear and “staying the course” is a constant challenge.  Once I get started I can execute the necessary steps.  It’s repeating those steps indefinitely that I have trouble managing. I’ve come to the conclusion that success is a matter of starting over, and over, and over….

People who stay married all their life long aren’t necessarily happier than the rest of us.  They just have more staying power.  They get up and start over every day and never reach that point where it just doesn’t seem worth the effort.  The time never comes when they weigh the benefits against difficulties and decide to just give up.

People who work at the same job for 30 years and retire with a full pension are becoming rare animals.  Most of us, give up long before that point and start looking for something different to do.  We make all kinds of excuses, but the plain truth is boredom.  We get tired of doing the same thing, in the same place, with the same people day after day, after month, after year.  We’re always hoping for something better over the horizon.

We’re told success involves setting goals, then listing measurable steps to reach those goals and working at them consistently.  My granddaughter is taking a financial management class this semester.  Her first assignment was to set short-term and long-term goals, six months, a year, five years, etc. Then list the steps she would take to accomplish them.  The “experts” tell us this is the path to success in anything we undertake.

I can do the planning.  The planning is part of my procrastination.   I enjoy that part and I, sometimes, avoid finishing that stage for days or weeks.  I choose goals, set steps and start off with energy and determination, only to decide it’s not really working and start planning all over again.  When I finally have a plan that I can follow, it works well for a while.  Then along comes an interruption, a deviation is required and somehow I never get back on track.  So, I have to start the planning again.

The road to completion of a goal must have a completion.  There is a point at which you say, “Ok, that’s done.  Time to move on to the next thing.”  I just can’t seem to stay on that path.  Somehow, it gets twisted and heads back to the beginning with no noticeable branching.  I am trapped on a mobius strip.   I simply keep traveling the endless loop without ever reaching a destination.

This problem was not evident to me when I had a job to go to or classes to attend.  Those provided an external source that forced me to adhere to the path.  There were tasks to be completed and turned in to a supervisor or professor on a regular schedule.  When I write web copy or design a website for a client, there is a deadline holding me accountable.  Setting my own deadlines simply doesn’t have the same effect.

Since coming back from vacation, I have had trouble getting myself motivated again.  I have spent the last week meditating on points in my life when I didn’t follow through to my intended goal.  I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not really a character flaw per se.  I can complete a goal.  I did, after all, earn my bachelor’s degree and no on forced me to continue driving 90 miles each way to Murray for classes two or three days a week.  No one insisted I had to complete my homework and show up for class.  I did all that because it was a goal I had set myself.

Therefore, I can set myself a goal and follow it.  I simply have to make myself keep starting over every time life interrupts my plan.  I need to look on minor glitches as “snow days” and larger ones as semester breaks.